I'm posting it as a "Guest Editorial". It's pretty cool, I can make a big post and do other things in the meantime.
Hey! Here I am at last! Thought I'd come by, wade in, and "smash things up a bit" with a piece of my mind. "Buttholeville" is very amusing just as the "Butthole Surfers" are as a band. I live in a similar town not far away. Some call it "Cranklin" but I call it "Franklinstein" or "Franklinstein's Monster" for obvious reasons-my hometown is ruined!! You may ask, "Gee...what happened?". The answer is most complex but at the same time simple as one word. Can you guess that word? "Hhhmmm...gee...that's a toughy...could it be...Satan?!" Well...you're damn close, especially if you consider money as being the root of evil. You would also be stepping on some deserving toes (preferably with teel-toed Doc Martins)if you mentioned the "Sodom and Gommorrah refugees" that are infesting my country-side like the wretched plague they are (My county's "Buttholeville" is known as "Highlands"). Oh...and did I mention the invasion of "The Army of Juan" (not to be confused with the "Army of One" which will soon be the "Army of None" if we don't get some REAL patriotism in our political leadership pretty soon)? Yeah...and it's got collaborators situated from here in the countryside all the way up to the Fright House...er...I mean White House...just itchin' to get their greedy hands on that cutthroating cheap-assed unamerican labor so they can hold on to their ill-gotten fortunes just one more day in their miserable existences. Sabotage! That's what it is...to the REAL way of American life! Who sez slavery is gone here in the USA? All of us either consume slave labor products (Great Wall of ChinaMart), own stock in it, or are one (creditcard debtor, single white male who pays child support, patient without health insurance, etc.). Did I step on some more toes...sorry...I SHOULDA PUT MY WHOLE WEIGHT INTO IT! Do people pay taxes with the notion of, someday, proverbially having their throats cut by what was "rendered unto caesar"? I think not! And another thing...what's so damn patriotic about the "Patriot Act"...or BUSH, for that matter?! Anybody that s'posed to be lookin out for America and let that damned "sucking sound" (remember what Ross said?) happen in a sort of "osmosis" to the south should be looked upon with a critical and suspicious eye. And just so you won't think I am prejudice towards any political parties or races, I am not-I hate everybody the same. I think both the elephant and the jackass are two animals that belong in a zoo. They have shit on the sidewalk (American debt) and left it for someone else to clean up (taxpayers). If our politicians weren't "faking" like they are now, we would see a real show on CSPAN with mikestand and fists flying, bloody noses, black eyes, etc. (remember how serious the japs and Indians are about their politics) and even a few firefights to a full-blown war between the Demublicans and Repocrats...did I say that...they are both so alike in the congame of American politics I can't even spell 'em apart anymore. Some may ask me, "Why are you so damn critical?" with which I reply, "Why are you not?". The Appalachian Intellectual and I both know that to earn genuine respect you must lead by example for others to follow and this applies to anyone in a leadership position from foreman to president-no exceptions-the greatest example being "The Ranger in The Sky" who showed the whole world that it was not impossible to live up to our creator's expectations even allowing himself to be tortured as a mortal, underlining the maximum effective range of an excuse is zero! I consider myself "spiritually retarded" 'cuz if I was really doing what I was s'posed to be, I would be one of the penniless "Gospel Wildmen" one might've read about in the Bible and not a "churchsuit in a pulpit". I should be out there on the street corner refusing to shutup about religious greivances that I see. How does all this tie in with "Buttholeville and Franklinstein's Monster"? Unless you've experienced a lifetime here, you probably won't understand. That's where I come in...to spell it out in layman's terms. I am to provoke you, mentally (otherwise known as "thought provoking" to those who still don't get it). I don't believe in comprimise and candy-coating. I believe that talk is cheap and of truth in the raw. I believe that if the pen is mightier than the sword then I am out to slay the dragon by literally "breaking it off" in the beast. Enough Hillbilly ravings for today. I must now find the fartsack in order to rave yet another day. I enjoyed creating this disasterpiece and hope the readers enjoyed it too, but, if they didn't, I don't care!
With aggression, Mr. Twister
PS. Hey Appal. Intel.! Call or E-mail me to let me know if I made things interesting or not..ok? And this stupid blogger site is still ate up because this makes the 2nd time I have been denied a blogger i.d. How the hell can jdgffdh OR kjerow or wmghdeiuyf be unavailable?!
Now all of you Flat Landers sit right there and stay tuned for more Appalachian Patria!