My Exciting Night in Buttholeville
Nothing Planned
If your'e a Drive By Truckers fan you will know why I call my beloved home town Buttholeville. Yep, exciting night people. Jello Boy called me and wanted me to go eat with him, Mutual Female Aqauntence(I here by rename her Jellouise) and her Dadd. I went, I had nothing planned. That's when I started running into all kinds of folks. My old Company Commander walked in. He was my first CO in the Reserves after I came off Active Duty. Then another boy that had been in that same Company came in(he is now out). The three of us talked for a while. I havn't seen either in years. One lives in South Carolina now. Then a Cousin(other than Jello Boy) came in. He's my Dadd's first and my second. Running into kin in a place like this is common, but we alway's take time to talk. I asked him about a upcoming Family Reunion. Usualy I have Drill that weekend.
Blissful Complancancy
After listening to Jello and Jellouise update me on the dogs having gas(insert eye rolling icon here) and telling them they need a life(they didn't get it). I went on uptown and had a couple of cups of Decaf. I just sat there all by my lonsome with Zoloft playing in my head. This had me thinking. If you try to drink your troubles away with liquor or beer they will be waiting for you when you sober up. That's bad. But, go see a Psychologist and they will just give you a pill to take. "Here's a placebo and cheer the hell up". And that's supposed to be good?
Well, the train of thought ran on. Before I went out to Ft. Lewis I had some scrapes between me and Jellouise. I was almost concerned that Jello Boy was committing Blue Colar Suicide . I no longer feel that way. I now feel that those two love birds have drifted into Blissful Complacancy(I trade mark that one boy's).
A funny thing happened on my way to a strange way of thinking.
A Hint of Eroding Appalachia
After my Intellectual Rampage and the two cups of Decaf(I now wonder if they were). I strolled around down town. It's not for local folks anymore, it's all Touristy. I was looking in the window of a store(a realy cool "Civil War" Toy Soldeir set up) when a guy came walking by me. It was an old freind of my Dadd's that I havn't seen in a while. We talked about his new Deer Rifle and how he now is building a house where he can look up and see an old Deer Stand of his. He was heading up to the Coffee Shop to hear a boy pick guitar. I wonder if he drank Decaf?
Drunk Santa
I wound up in a usualy depressing place, a Bar and Grille. People sit in there, smoke frown and drink. At least they did last winter. Today was the most sunshine we have had in weeks, so everyone was grinning. Low and behold when I walk in there is a freind of Jellouise's. I throw my hand up...I don't want to come on too strong you know. I ordered a Coke...got a Pepsi, but, that's fine. Doesn't matter. That's why I'm awake. The girl didn't want to charge me for it. OK...back to Buttholeville. There is all of these pretty young people that think they're cool standing around the bar. I find a empty place. I'm standing next to Santa Clause who has grown a Mullet. Realy not only does he look like Santa Clause he dressed up as Jolly Ol' Nick for Halloween. He was drunk Santa. He kept falling asleep on his stool that night. He's a pretty nice fellar if you talk to him, but, he's a Diabetic and it doesn't take much to get him sloshed. Any time that I have been there he has too and from what I'm told he is there when I'm not, wich is alot. He's a customer, but, the owners probably give him a Christmas Bonus. Santa's speech is slurred..he sounded as if he was a drunk in a B Movie. A sweet, happy go lucky British Girl was trying to pay her bill. He gave his seat up to her...she patted him. I told her not to push him too hard, he may fall over. She patted me.
This is good
Jellouise's Freind called me over as I was walking out. That was part of the plan. I don't want to come on too strong you know. She was eating with a freind, Freind of Jellouise's Freind.(This is where I forced myself to go to bed last night and take back over) She asked me if I had seen Jello and Jellouise, and no, no one calls them that but me and you, so conversation goes on. The other day after I had gotten my Orders for the 26 day's(Previous post you Drive By Bloggers, Travlin' Ed term) I went by House of Jello and said I would like to go camping while I had the chance. Jellouise said she would need time to change her work schedule. In other words, one doesn't do one thing with out the other, but that's fine with me. Jellouise obviously mentioned it to Freind Of Jellouise, because Freind Of Jellouise mentioned it to me. This is a good thing, folks. She knew that I wanted to do it before I had to go somewhere. Freind Of Jellouise's Freind cherps in, "are you the one that has to go on a special mission?" She apologised for making it sound like I was going on "Mission Impossable". I was getting ready to have to down play the whole thing. Considering Freind Of Jellouise's Freind obviuosly did not know Jellouise too much, this IS a good thing folks. Conversation goes on. Freind Of Jellouise's asked if I was going to go home. I said yes, being ol' honest me. I should have said "I don't know", becuase realy I didn't. I had no where else I wanted to go. I didn't piticularly want to go there. As you can see, I'm glad I did though. When conversation lulled I made my exit. I don't want to come on too strong you know.
I didn't go home
Earlier I had been able to see the Moon. That was the second time this month. Well, it was nowhere to be seen then. Remember that, you'll need it in a second. I get back to my truck and my lights are on. God Bless a strong battery, she cranked right up. I didn't go home. I went down to the news stand and gazed through Gun List, and Shotgun News as well as various other publications. I glance up and out the window it is a pouring the rain. My Truck windows are down. I ran out to close them. That was my excuse to make myself go home, I had no where else I wanted to go. Leaving town it stopped raining for about half a mile. Then it let loose and then it let loose harder. One of my wiper blades was a coming off and folks were slowing down for the rain. I pulled over at a closed gas station and fixed my wiper. Someone pulled in behind me and parked where I could not see them. I was a wondering if I was going to have to reach for my pistol. They sat back there behind me blinded by the pump. It's not like I was realy nervous, but, I felt the need for caution. Fumbleing around in the dark I fixed the blade and away I went. It was two women who had pulled over for the rain. When I got home I could see stars.
I missed it!
I had caught on the news that Drivn' N Cryin' were playing in Asheville, I'm not sure where. I wouldn't want to go by my lonsome no way. Anymore I plan my trips out of the County with the price of gas. I just looked...darn it, the show was free! That's OK 14 more day's to The Drive By Truckers.
Be good
Appalachian Intellectual
If your'e a Drive By Truckers fan you will know why I call my beloved home town Buttholeville. Yep, exciting night people. Jello Boy called me and wanted me to go eat with him, Mutual Female Aqauntence(I here by rename her Jellouise) and her Dadd. I went, I had nothing planned. That's when I started running into all kinds of folks. My old Company Commander walked in. He was my first CO in the Reserves after I came off Active Duty. Then another boy that had been in that same Company came in(he is now out). The three of us talked for a while. I havn't seen either in years. One lives in South Carolina now. Then a Cousin(other than Jello Boy) came in. He's my Dadd's first and my second. Running into kin in a place like this is common, but we alway's take time to talk. I asked him about a upcoming Family Reunion. Usualy I have Drill that weekend.
Blissful Complancancy
After listening to Jello and Jellouise update me on the dogs having gas(insert eye rolling icon here) and telling them they need a life(they didn't get it). I went on uptown and had a couple of cups of Decaf. I just sat there all by my lonsome with Zoloft playing in my head. This had me thinking. If you try to drink your troubles away with liquor or beer they will be waiting for you when you sober up. That's bad. But, go see a Psychologist and they will just give you a pill to take. "Here's a placebo and cheer the hell up". And that's supposed to be good?
Well, the train of thought ran on. Before I went out to Ft. Lewis I had some scrapes between me and Jellouise. I was almost concerned that Jello Boy was committing Blue Colar Suicide . I no longer feel that way. I now feel that those two love birds have drifted into Blissful Complacancy(I trade mark that one boy's).
A funny thing happened on my way to a strange way of thinking.
A Hint of Eroding Appalachia
After my Intellectual Rampage and the two cups of Decaf(I now wonder if they were). I strolled around down town. It's not for local folks anymore, it's all Touristy. I was looking in the window of a store(a realy cool "Civil War" Toy Soldeir set up) when a guy came walking by me. It was an old freind of my Dadd's that I havn't seen in a while. We talked about his new Deer Rifle and how he now is building a house where he can look up and see an old Deer Stand of his. He was heading up to the Coffee Shop to hear a boy pick guitar. I wonder if he drank Decaf?
Drunk Santa
I wound up in a usualy depressing place, a Bar and Grille. People sit in there, smoke frown and drink. At least they did last winter. Today was the most sunshine we have had in weeks, so everyone was grinning. Low and behold when I walk in there is a freind of Jellouise's. I throw my hand up...I don't want to come on too strong you know. I ordered a Coke...got a Pepsi, but, that's fine. Doesn't matter. That's why I'm awake. The girl didn't want to charge me for it. OK...back to Buttholeville. There is all of these pretty young people that think they're cool standing around the bar. I find a empty place. I'm standing next to Santa Clause who has grown a Mullet. Realy not only does he look like Santa Clause he dressed up as Jolly Ol' Nick for Halloween. He was drunk Santa. He kept falling asleep on his stool that night. He's a pretty nice fellar if you talk to him, but, he's a Diabetic and it doesn't take much to get him sloshed. Any time that I have been there he has too and from what I'm told he is there when I'm not, wich is alot. He's a customer, but, the owners probably give him a Christmas Bonus. Santa's speech is slurred..he sounded as if he was a drunk in a B Movie. A sweet, happy go lucky British Girl was trying to pay her bill. He gave his seat up to her...she patted him. I told her not to push him too hard, he may fall over. She patted me.
This is good
Jellouise's Freind called me over as I was walking out. That was part of the plan. I don't want to come on too strong you know. She was eating with a freind, Freind of Jellouise's Freind.(This is where I forced myself to go to bed last night and take back over) She asked me if I had seen Jello and Jellouise, and no, no one calls them that but me and you, so conversation goes on. The other day after I had gotten my Orders for the 26 day's(Previous post you Drive By Bloggers, Travlin' Ed term) I went by House of Jello and said I would like to go camping while I had the chance. Jellouise said she would need time to change her work schedule. In other words, one doesn't do one thing with out the other, but that's fine with me. Jellouise obviously mentioned it to Freind Of Jellouise, because Freind Of Jellouise mentioned it to me. This is a good thing, folks. She knew that I wanted to do it before I had to go somewhere. Freind Of Jellouise's Freind cherps in, "are you the one that has to go on a special mission?" She apologised for making it sound like I was going on "Mission Impossable". I was getting ready to have to down play the whole thing. Considering Freind Of Jellouise's Freind obviuosly did not know Jellouise too much, this IS a good thing folks. Conversation goes on. Freind Of Jellouise's asked if I was going to go home. I said yes, being ol' honest me. I should have said "I don't know", becuase realy I didn't. I had no where else I wanted to go. I didn't piticularly want to go there. As you can see, I'm glad I did though. When conversation lulled I made my exit. I don't want to come on too strong you know.
I didn't go home
Earlier I had been able to see the Moon. That was the second time this month. Well, it was nowhere to be seen then. Remember that, you'll need it in a second. I get back to my truck and my lights are on. God Bless a strong battery, she cranked right up. I didn't go home. I went down to the news stand and gazed through Gun List, and Shotgun News as well as various other publications. I glance up and out the window it is a pouring the rain. My Truck windows are down. I ran out to close them. That was my excuse to make myself go home, I had no where else I wanted to go. Leaving town it stopped raining for about half a mile. Then it let loose and then it let loose harder. One of my wiper blades was a coming off and folks were slowing down for the rain. I pulled over at a closed gas station and fixed my wiper. Someone pulled in behind me and parked where I could not see them. I was a wondering if I was going to have to reach for my pistol. They sat back there behind me blinded by the pump. It's not like I was realy nervous, but, I felt the need for caution. Fumbleing around in the dark I fixed the blade and away I went. It was two women who had pulled over for the rain. When I got home I could see stars.
I missed it!
I had caught on the news that Drivn' N Cryin' were playing in Asheville, I'm not sure where. I wouldn't want to go by my lonsome no way. Anymore I plan my trips out of the County with the price of gas. I just looked...darn it, the show was free! That's OK 14 more day's to The Drive By Truckers.
Be good
Appalachian Intellectual
posted by Hill Billy Rave | Friday, July 15, 2005
5 Comments:
Man, that was a good post about a typical Saturday night. I grew up in small towns, mostly in NC,and I sympathize. In fact, I remember one night in MT. Holly I was looking for something, ANYTHING, to do. Burger King was full of teenagers and everyplace else was deserted. I stopped in and asked the girl if there was anything to do around here. She looked out in the parking lot at the kids and cars then said, "Well...that's purty much it." So I gave a weak smile and turned to leave. As I was turning she added, "But I don't know what people your age do." Owww! Right in the back. And Dunn and Benson were not much better.
I didn't know Drivin' & Cryin were still around. I bought their first album when I lived in Long Beach, CA. All I can remember about it now is that it had the word "Sniff" or "Sniffing" in it. I had not thought about them in years.
Last free concert I caught was when I lived in Pascagoula, MS. One of the casinos down the road in Biloxi was having David Allan Coe play for free. Since it was DAC, and since it was only 20 minutes away, and since it was FREE, I headed over. It cost me $5. That's because I felt bad about just sitting there, and they had us watching the stage from behind video poker machines, so I played (ver-r-ry slowly) until the concert started. I lost the 5 bucks, but also had 2 free drinks and saw DAC, so no complaints.
Be good.
Travelin' Ed
That was Friday night Ed. I know, you are way over there so I forgive. Drivi n n Cryin are a sometimes thing. Kevin Kinney is mostly on his own. You mean you missed their mega hit "Fly Me Coragous"? What about "Scarred But Smarter"? You missed some good stuff dude.
I've alway's avoided DAC, I didn't want to get in a fight.LOL
I always loved DAC singing "My long hair just can't cover up my red neck".
Now, first off, let me acknowledge my mistake. The date line did indeed snooker me in my reply. But as far as I know, FRI and SAT nights are mostly interchangeable with only subtle differences. Friday day you work before you party and Saturday you party, but with an eye towards not looking like a complete wreck at church in the morning.
Never heard of Scarred but Smarter, but understand the sentiment completely.
Ed
"Working down at Billy Bob's Bar and Grille
The food here tastes like the way I feel
There's a girl on the dance floor dressed to kill
She's the best looking woman in Buttholeville"
That's what I was calling Port-Au-Prince when I was there last year for 45.
It was amusing to me even if I was the only one who knew what it meant.
Hey! Here I am at last! Thought I'd come by, wade in, and "smash things up a bit" with a piece of my mind. "Buttholeville" is very amusing just as the "Butthole Surfers" are as a band. I live in a similar town not far away. Some call it "Cranklin" but I call it "Franklinstein" or "Franklinstein's Monster" for obvious reasons-my hometown is ruined!! You may ask, "Gee...what happened?". The answer is most complex but at the same time simple as one word. Can you guess that word? "Hhhmmm...gee...that's a toughy...could it be...Satan?!" Well...you're damn close, especially if you consider money as being the root of evil. You would also be stepping on some deserving toes (preferably with teel-toed Doc Martins)if you mentioned the "Sodom and Gommorrah refugees" that are infesting my country-side like the wretched plague they are (My county's "Buttholeville" is known as "Highlands"). Oh...and did I mention the invasion of "The Army of Juan" (not to be confused with the "Army of One" which will soon be the "Army of None" if we don't get some REAL patriotism in our political leadership pretty soon)? Yeah...and it's got collaborators situated from here in the countryside all the way up to the Fright House...er...I mean White House...just itchin' to get their greedy hands on that cutthroating cheap-assed unamerican labor so they can hold on to their ill-gotten fortunes just one more day in their miserable existences. Sabotage! That's what it is...to the REAL way of American life! Who sez slavery is gone here in the USA? All of us either consume slave labor products (Great Wall of ChinaMart), own stock in it, or are one (creditcard debtor, single white male who pays child support, patient without health insurance, etc.). Did I step on some more toes...sorry...I SHOULDA PUT MY WHOLE WEIGHT INTO IT! Do people pay taxes with the notion of, someday, proverbially having their throats cut by what was "rendered unto caesar"? I think not! And another thing...what's so damn patriotic about the "Patriot Act"...or BUSH, for that matter?! Anybody that s'posed to be lookin out for America and let that damned "sucking sound" (remember what Ross said?) happen in a sort of "osmosis" to the south should be looked upon with a critical and suspicious eye. And just so you won't think I am prejudice towards any political parties or races, I am not-I hate everybody the same. I think both the elephant and the jackass are two animals that belong in a zoo. They have shit on the sidewalk (American debt) and left it for someone else to clean up (taxpayers). If our politicians weren't "faking" like they are now, we would see a real show on CSPAN with mikestand and fists flying, bloody noses, black eyes, etc. (remember how serious the japs and Indians are about their politics) and even a few firefights to a full-blown war between the Demublicans and Repocrats...did I say that...they are both so alike in the congame of American politics I can't even spell 'em apart anymore. Some may ask me, "Why are you so damn critical?" with which I reply, "Why are you not?". The Appalachian Intellectual and I both know that to earn genuine respect you must lead by example for others to follow and this applies to anyone in a leadership position from foreman to president-no exceptions-the greatest example being "The Ranger in The Sky" who showed the whole world that it was not impossible to live up to our creator's expectations even allowing himself to be tortured as a mortal, underlining the maximum effective range of an excuse is zero! I consider myself "spiritually retarded" 'cuz if I was really doing what I was s'posed to be, I would be one of the penniless "Gospel Wildmen" one might've read about in the Bible and not a "churchsuit in a pulpit". I should be out there on the street corner refusing to shutup about religious greivances that I see. How does all this tie in with "Buttholeville and Franklinstein's Monster"? Unless you've experienced a lifetime here, you probably won't understand. That's where I come in...to spell it out in layman's terms. I am to provoke you, mentally (otherwise known as "thought provoking" to those who still don't get it). I don't believe in comprimise and candy-coating. I believe that talk is cheap and of truth in the raw. I believe that if the pen is mightier than the sword then I am out to slay the dragon by literally "breaking it off" in the beast. Enough Hillbilly ravings for today. I must now find the fartsack in order to rave yet another day. I enjoyed creating this disasterpiece and hope the readers enjoyed it too, but, if they didn't, I don't care! With aggression, Mr. Twister
PS. Hey Appal. Intel.! Call or E-mail me to let me know if I made things interesting or not..ok? And this stupid blogger site is still ate up because this makes the 2nd time I have been denied a blogger i.d. How the hell can jdgffdh OR kjerow or wmghdeiuyf be unavailable?!
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