Things You Regret...
...Like that bondage scene you did when you were 20 for bus fare back home from California after your failed acting career. 10 years later your walking across the parking lot at Mickey Dee's munching on your fries and sipping on your Diet Coke when some one yells out "Ball Gag!" You stop dead in your tracks..."Who said that?". Six months later your walking out of the hardware store when you hear it again..."Ball Gag!"...Someone comes up to you at a social event and asks if that was really you in Pulp Fiction. Those 40 minutes of humiliation and punishment at the hands of Mistress Mimi and her male slave Bartholomew just won't go away.
The truth is people do some stupid stuff. Like, volunteer for Mistress Mimi's Dungeon of Pain or buy their brother in laws lemon mini van. But you know what? They didn't hurt nobody, and all of that hollering "Ball Gag!" at them is good natured...Then when someone stops being themselves, combing their hair and won't talk to nobody, that "Ball Gag!" stuff has hurt someone. So, the next time your in one of those seedy video places and you see someone you went to school with hog tied in their underwear, just grin and say "Is that them?" and leave it alone. Unless it's your best friend...Their fare game.
I don't know where I came up with this...
The Appalachianist
The truth is people do some stupid stuff. Like, volunteer for Mistress Mimi's Dungeon of Pain or buy their brother in laws lemon mini van. But you know what? They didn't hurt nobody, and all of that hollering "Ball Gag!" at them is good natured...Then when someone stops being themselves, combing their hair and won't talk to nobody, that "Ball Gag!" stuff has hurt someone. So, the next time your in one of those seedy video places and you see someone you went to school with hog tied in their underwear, just grin and say "Is that them?" and leave it alone. Unless it's your best friend...Their fare game.
I don't know where I came up with this...
The Appalachianist
posted by Hill Billy Rave | Saturday, April 14, 2007
16 Comments:
oh my gosh....
You really need to come home!!!
hugs~
ai,,when your truck broke down..did fumes leak inside the cab?..lol..or is there a bookstore near here i need to be scoping out..?
I like the one where the twenty year old gets on the bus in her red bikini . . . . wearing yellow socks . . . . and a green hat . . . and the dog won't . . . I can't remember the rest. Thank goodness I bought and destroyed all the negatives . . . . Did I ever tell you about the time . . . . I hope they don't extend you. It has been much in the news . . . I think Janie is right, "You really need to come home!!!" Appalachia needs you. Take care. (If you think of forgiveness and the story as metaphor for our sins . . . you are right on . . . good advice.)
I know you'll think I'm off my rocker, but, I don't care.
Well, Janie, i would like to go home.
Ms. Kitten, no, no, and no.
Bill, your right, Appalachia does need me, it just doesn't know it. The extension is for Active Duty only. One Guard unit from Minnesota was extended this year though. Bill, I haven't seen that one...What negatives?
oh, well...it was just a wild guess any way. as long as you still have a rocker to fall out of you are probably doing better than i...
Wow, but there is a point to your message, sometimes we judge harshly and we enjoy saying things that hurt...
On the other hand, I couldn't help but wonder if the real message was in this line and, to read between the lines, the Amry should replace Mistress Mimi:
"The truth is people do some stupid stuff. Like, volunteer"
When are you scheduled to be sent home? Take care and stay low.
Kitten, I'm not off of my rocker. No one has ever gagged me either, not since I was captured playing army as a kid.
Sage, one of the first things you learn is not to volunteer for any thing and stay clear of Mistress Mimi's Dungeon of Pain.
The extension was for Active Duty only. I have a couple of month left.
Acually this post reminds me of a Drive by Truckers song, Margo and Harold off of Pizza Deliverance.
Margo and Harold
I don't want to go to dinner with Margo and Harold.
I don't like the way he looks at you, and the way she looks at me,
way they look at each other, like we're just part of some private joke.
I don't want to go dinner with Margo and Harold,
no matter how good the food.
I don't want to make small talk, innuendo,
or go for a ride in Harold's Corvette.
I'm scared of the basement of Harold's Pawn Shop,
I've heard tales of what goes down there.
Mid-life crises, high on Dilauded, Valium, and crystal meth.
Harold and Margo, feeling no pain
Fifty and crazy, big hair and cocaine.
If they call on the phone, tell them I'm not home.
That night with Margo was a long time ago.
It makes me nervous how much Harold knows,
and the way that he looks at you.
I don't want to see why Harold's now skinny.
I don't want to see Margo's bikini.
So if they call, tell them you ain't seen me or that I'm in too much pain.
Harold and Margo, taking aim.
Horny and loaded, big-hair and cocaine.
lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music
Naw, the Lord's got the negatives. He and I know about them, and I must say I am ashamed of some of them. (Much of my youthful behavior was before video cameras and such. I don't think there are any "movies," but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Just imagin Googling your name on the heavenly computer. It is too much to think about. So, when are you due . . . no, don't answer that, throw salt over yur shoulder and nail up a horse shoe. Take care. Bill
Boy, I come back to read your blog for the first time in a month or two and it coincides with an entry that includes 'ball gags' and 'hog tied'. What great timing I have. :-)
Bill, your starting to worry me...The Blonde in a red bikini, yellow shoes, and green hat and the bus deal is just so...
Murf, fascinating isn't it?
What?
App, you come home soon, you need a sweet southern girl to take care of you! ;)
It is. The world of restraining techniques never ceases to amaze me. :-)
I never liked margo & Harold. I like 'em better when they rock.
Shoot, write what you're thinking about. I do most of the time. It's why we blog. But sometimes I can't write about what I'm thinking. Why? Because I'm a southern boy and a southern boy might not say something aloud if his mama's still alive and prone to reading his blog. And you know that's true.
With that said, I think she'd be OK with ball gags. (Reading about 'em, not using them).
Lee Ann, I like that thought. I can go home when the Army says "You can go home now".
Murf....uhm...I dunno.
Ed,I suppose your right. I like Margo and Harold...not them themselves, but hte song. Now I do prefer the Truckers when they rock, but, M&H is just so small town freaky. Reminds you of the Dirty South.
Good to see that after all this time, you can still confuse me.
:-)
How's it going brother???? I sincerely hope all is well and safe, it's hard for me to really imagine what life is like there! I just finally got your E-mail, Nora gave it to me on a text message, although it was early morning/afternoon after a long night with the crew and I sort of slacked and it deleted itself (sorry bout that). However I saw your Mom today over at Mamaws' and got it again-so I'm finally getting to say Hello!!!!! I'm living back on the East Coast now, I could't really hang in Oregon as long as I would have liked to. But enough about me, you've gotta let me know how things are there in Iraq???? I bet your ready for some cool clean mountain air, that or some foxy southern ladies and maybe some old live Jordan St. Band !!!!! Anyways Bro I look forward to seein' you soon, and I hope you drop me a line on your next chance to sit down at a computer!!!! Love you man be safe,
Shane
p.s. mooney4g@yahoo.com
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