Normal Again

It happened again. I woke this Wednesday morning realizing again I had dreamed I was back in Iraq. I’ve been dreaming it for weeks. Last week when I posted “Notes” I stated I’d just assume go back to Iraq. That prompted some response, even a phone call. I didn’t say I wanted to go back. I have no designs on it. I do have to accept that I may have to go back. Though, my attitude is harder to describe.
When I rolled back into Buttholeville last Saturday evening I ran into the boy I had gotten off the plain with. He asked me how adjusting was going. I repeated it to him and his newlywed wife blurted out, “He says that too!”.
“Tell her, life was simple over there”.
I replied that things were crazy there because they were supposed to be. Here, people are petty.
I’m not the only one saying this. Then I remembered what I had heard someone say... “I wanted to back to Vietnam. My girlfriend got upset and thought I was crazy.”

It’s not patriotic, it’s personal. I put it back in my mind. I didn’t deal with it for a couple of days, then my mind hammered it out. I thought of how many of the others that were activated and sent over with me had been having sleep problems too. For nearly three months I rarely slept a full night. I would wake and be in thought for hours. Over in Iraq our minds were geared to the day in and the day out of a combat zone and relating to a people far different from us. Our minds were “revved” they said.
People are more real, more genuine over there. People relate to one another. The atmosphere is chaos. It’s supposed to be. Things don’t always make sense there, and, that’s alright.
When things become in discord here, your thought is, that it’s unreal, unnecessary. People are getting blown up on the other side of the world. Why doesn’t everyone calm down? Something is not making sense, and that is not alright. You relate to the chaos of war, but not the chaos of society.
When you step off of that plain you step into a harsh environment where "higher powers", externals take precedence. In a combat zone things are complicated but it's simple, day by day.

It's not so bad. I'm not dwelling on externals. I'm frustrated to a point, not a point that it effects the feelings, the view of my Self. I'm frustrated with my environment. It's the same environment. People are the same. I'm not. I won't be either.
My mind, day by day is gearing back to this world as it makes sense of that world. That is why I have the dreams. That is why I say to myself I'd assume go back. I'm relating the two worlds.
I functioned well in that enviroment, and I know it. There is no reason for me not to function well in this enviroment. My energy is ony evening out.

I appreciate things. I appreciate myself. I have a great family, even if thy don't understand me. I have great freinds, both male and female, even if they don't know how to relate to me. I like Western North Carolina allot more than I did the Mesopotamian Plain. I have opportunities in my life. I thank God for everyday.

I'm alright. I'm not longing for the chaos, carnage and violence. I'm unrevving, I'm putting it all in perspective. I saw my step daughter at a gas station. I called her on her cell phone and told her I love her. She laughed and we joked.

I told a coworker about the dreams I having that I was back in Iraq. He said I was back. Back here.

I'm feeling pretty bohemian again. And, I did dig on some vegan food in a hip restaurant yesterday. I also slept pretty damn good last night.

Whoa hoo hoo hoo
The Appalachianist