It's Nice To Be Normal
As noted in the previous posts comments, I went to get my 90 Day Post Deployment Physical. For the most part it consisted of a TB Test and lots of questions about our adjustment. I found that many of us are experiencing the same things. In a sense it was a relief, not to get caught in the trap of comparing myself to others…Oh yeah, it’s a trap.
I’m not the same person I was before I left, not completely different, but not the same. You have experiences in life and evolve.
The first couple of weeks back home it was like a vacation, but, the honey moon was quickly over. I adjusted to time well, but, I started having problems with waking for hours in the night. I would go through spells of doing that before, but, it has persisted since the end of June. Since then, I may have slept a half dozen nights through. About everyone I spoke to has had this too.
I don’t lay there thinking of Iraq, it’s not flash back time hide under your bunk from the incoming…It’s my wondering mind time. At 0300 the other morning I was thinking about God and Spirituality, a great subject, yes, but it can be anything, things I have to do…Sometimes including Iraq. I do not consider anything I experienced in Iraq as traumatic. We're told it's because our minds are still "revved up".
Another of the symptoms are tempers. I’m not as patient with people as I was. If someone is rude, inconsiderate, untruthful, imposing, petty or trys to tell me something that they have no authority on…All things that annoyed me before the war as it would everyone reading this…I flush with them quicker, as before, I was more able to blow them off. I control it though. About a month and a half ago I nearly jerked two men off of their bar stools for being rude and inconsiderate. I asked politely and got a sarcastic response. I walked away, and have returned there but once since. I actually scared myself that night. However, I have not had any fights or shouting matches with anyone. No matter how much someone has pushed my buttons.*
Some other things, Arabic phrases have slipped from my lips, a car got too close to me in a parking lot and I almost gave them the Arab sign for wait…I’ve have done it once or twice…and gave them the Don’t Fuck With Me, I have A Gun look. I have proven to be pretty resilient though, I’m told I’m resilient…I believe I’m resilient.
Some of the others though haven’t’. One said he drinks to sleep, a six pack a day, still has trouble sleeping like me. He also has hit things…He’s a good guy, but tends to be non negotiable.
One was on the local news a few weeks ago, his employer tried hiring him in at $2 less an hour.
Two of the guy’s I was with tested positive for TB, are now taking medication and have registered with the Health Dept. We teased them that they have their pictures up there next to the sex offenders.
A friend of mine that was further north of me was knocked from his bunk one morning from an incoming mortar round. He now has headaches, so he went to the Dr. She asked him if he could kill somebody.. “Yes, I just came from Iraq, I could kill somebody”, said very plainly…Before he knew it the cops were slapping cuffs on him. He was hauled in to see a Psychologist that sat with his arms folded. This is an easy going, cool headed, laid back guy. He also has some counseling training and experience from both the Military and being a Church Of God preacher. He knew he was in trouble when the psych guy had his arms crossed, he propped his head up and answered and listened with his birdy finger pointing up. The Psych guy went howling after five minutes that he was shooting him a bird. His wife had to sign custody of him to get him out of the place…All for being frank and honest.
The knee jerk, sirens blairing, over reaction thing doesn't encourage honesty. The boy that has hit things knew the story and down played his answers.
Killing somebody is as simple as flicking a switch in your head. You sent us to a War Zone where we had to be ready to and those of us that served in Combat Arms Units had it put into our head at an early age. What does everyone expect? We’re not psycho. We don't want to hurt nobody.
Another guy had some driving aggressively in heavy traffic. As well, he walked away from an irate supervisor at his work.
Hearing these stories made me like, "Hey! I ain't so bad...Getting aggravated with people for a couple of minutes isn't as bad."
As well last night I slept good for the most part, not waking until around 0400. I have motions, other guy's have had motions, they come and go...So, it's normal.
I could write for a while. Then, this would be a long one...And in a way it's been good to admit these things. Theres really no way to end this. But it doesn't feel bad.
I found this linked on Fox News to YouTube
Awkwardly,
The Appalachinist
I’m not the same person I was before I left, not completely different, but not the same. You have experiences in life and evolve.
The first couple of weeks back home it was like a vacation, but, the honey moon was quickly over. I adjusted to time well, but, I started having problems with waking for hours in the night. I would go through spells of doing that before, but, it has persisted since the end of June. Since then, I may have slept a half dozen nights through. About everyone I spoke to has had this too.
I don’t lay there thinking of Iraq, it’s not flash back time hide under your bunk from the incoming…It’s my wondering mind time. At 0300 the other morning I was thinking about God and Spirituality, a great subject, yes, but it can be anything, things I have to do…Sometimes including Iraq. I do not consider anything I experienced in Iraq as traumatic. We're told it's because our minds are still "revved up".
Another of the symptoms are tempers. I’m not as patient with people as I was. If someone is rude, inconsiderate, untruthful, imposing, petty or trys to tell me something that they have no authority on…All things that annoyed me before the war as it would everyone reading this…I flush with them quicker, as before, I was more able to blow them off. I control it though. About a month and a half ago I nearly jerked two men off of their bar stools for being rude and inconsiderate. I asked politely and got a sarcastic response. I walked away, and have returned there but once since. I actually scared myself that night. However, I have not had any fights or shouting matches with anyone. No matter how much someone has pushed my buttons.*
Some other things, Arabic phrases have slipped from my lips, a car got too close to me in a parking lot and I almost gave them the Arab sign for wait…I’ve have done it once or twice…and gave them the Don’t Fuck With Me, I have A Gun look. I have proven to be pretty resilient though, I’m told I’m resilient…I believe I’m resilient.
Some of the others though haven’t’. One said he drinks to sleep, a six pack a day, still has trouble sleeping like me. He also has hit things…He’s a good guy, but tends to be non negotiable.
One was on the local news a few weeks ago, his employer tried hiring him in at $2 less an hour.
Two of the guy’s I was with tested positive for TB, are now taking medication and have registered with the Health Dept. We teased them that they have their pictures up there next to the sex offenders.
A friend of mine that was further north of me was knocked from his bunk one morning from an incoming mortar round. He now has headaches, so he went to the Dr. She asked him if he could kill somebody.. “Yes, I just came from Iraq, I could kill somebody”, said very plainly…Before he knew it the cops were slapping cuffs on him. He was hauled in to see a Psychologist that sat with his arms folded. This is an easy going, cool headed, laid back guy. He also has some counseling training and experience from both the Military and being a Church Of God preacher. He knew he was in trouble when the psych guy had his arms crossed, he propped his head up and answered and listened with his birdy finger pointing up. The Psych guy went howling after five minutes that he was shooting him a bird. His wife had to sign custody of him to get him out of the place…All for being frank and honest.
The knee jerk, sirens blairing, over reaction thing doesn't encourage honesty. The boy that has hit things knew the story and down played his answers.
Killing somebody is as simple as flicking a switch in your head. You sent us to a War Zone where we had to be ready to and those of us that served in Combat Arms Units had it put into our head at an early age. What does everyone expect? We’re not psycho. We don't want to hurt nobody.
Another guy had some driving aggressively in heavy traffic. As well, he walked away from an irate supervisor at his work.
Hearing these stories made me like, "Hey! I ain't so bad...Getting aggravated with people for a couple of minutes isn't as bad."
As well last night I slept good for the most part, not waking until around 0400. I have motions, other guy's have had motions, they come and go...So, it's normal.
I could write for a while. Then, this would be a long one...And in a way it's been good to admit these things. Theres really no way to end this. But it doesn't feel bad.
I found this linked on Fox News to YouTube
Awkwardly,
The Appalachinist
posted by Hill Billy Rave | Wednesday, September 26, 2007
12 Comments:
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you do, for me my loved ones and our country. I am sure you have people thank you and shake your hand every day, if not, you should and shame on those out there who do not.
I just stopped by your blog, was browsing and I am very glad I found it!
Sincerely,
Bird.
I've seen that YouTube of the road exploding...and each time my stomach gets twisted. So many of our Troops have had their brains scrambled...With time, money and technology hopefully the Troop will get the help he/she needs. I understand programs are started or in the works. Have spoken and listened to alot of Troops over the years...and what you are saying is pretty darn healthy.
hugs~janie
I just saw the vid, I cant repeat what came out of my mouth, it was worse than the driver though! Bloody hell!
I was watching a program concerning IED's and the enemy often stack land mines one on top of the other for greater impact. I wonder what they did there.
Janie mentioned technology and stopping those things before they explode and there is, its just its all classified.
British Bird, well, thank you...Your welcome...I really don't think it requires hand shakes. Women could throw themselves at my feet and I'd like it...LOL. No. I really don't think anything I did saved us from certain disaster.
For the IED, look closely and you can see a white object just before detonation. All of the technology is one thing, but your wits will save your skin. If those boys would have been hit, it would have been nasty. The Turret Gunner should have had a headache. That could have been stacked mines, or Home Made Explosive. They were making good use of HME in my tenure there.
Which leads me to Janie, yes, Traumatic Brain Injury. We had to watch a film about it. I think it can come from attending too many rock concerts too. Yeah, I'm pretty healthy and I'm pretty thankful. Slept good last night, only woke for a few minutes after going to bed about 2230.
Time to get...
well hand shakes or kissing your tootsies, whatever rings your bell :-)
Glad you are in one piece. I expect the healing process you are going through though will take some time, and writing about it, is definately going to help. Sometimes its the mental scars that are the worst.
I hear funding for the military for 08 has hit a road bump or two, go figure.
TTL Bird.
"I could write for a while. Then, this would be a long one...And in a way it's been good to admit these things. Theres really no way to end this. But it doesn't feel bad."
I am glad it doesn't feel bad APP. I think it's great that you can share w/us. And please write more about transistion when and if you feel to do so. It could be a 100 pages and I would read every word. Once again, you have reached inside of me a place that you don't know you reach when you write. Thank you so much on many levels for writing It's Nice to Be Normal. I appreciated reading it so much. Truly, it helps me in ways you will never understand.
"The knee jerk, sirens blairing, over reaction thing doesn't encourage honesty. The boy that has hit things knew the story and down played his answers." This is so true and so unfair our Soldiers have to do this. Just ain't right. Honesty is key w/anything in life.
There is an asterisk after pushing your buttons, what does that mean?
You are resiliant App and I am glad about that. Thanks for being you and keeping us educated and informed about many topics.
Hugs and Cheers!
Mew
I want to meet that Church of Christ preacher with the prominent finger...
Brit Bird, oh, I was kidding...to many women can be annoying...Unless they are ating in concert with each other...Seriously, the "thank you" stuff isawkward to me. So I make puns.
Healing? that is a strong word. adjusting...It's not a big thing.
Mew, you sent me some entertaining stuff while I wwas in Iraq. Deliverance for one. No, I don't have an idea. And, maybe the Good Lord made it possible for me to repay inadvertantly...I wrote nothing special.
Sage, the preacher...Well, he didn't mean too...He has another story. Had a real heck of a deployment.
Thanks You'l. No body hangs around on Friday.
I realize this is not your latest blog, but its the one that made me come back and read again. I wasn't going to post, as I am not comfortable w/ thoughts, etc. out there. I am a member of Soldiers Angels and have adopted several as soldiers who are looking for letters and care packages while overseas. I am an old lady and use to write the guys during Vietnam. (I was a teenager then - and ol fart now). I have some of my soldiers getting ready to come home and I have printed out your blog to send them, because I truly believe it will be one of the most beneficial things. I searched for an email, but you didn't have one posted. Cause chix that I am will not willing spill my guts in front of strangers. If we read this, then I had the guts to submit it.
Thanks for everything, and thanks in advance for the help this will bring my boys.
Rgds - Sparkil
App I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry. So many people do not appreciate whats going on over there, or what you guys go through. I respect you and the military is all.
Hello Sparkel, thanks for stopping in. Hmm...well, if this was helpful, good. It was more or less me just saying it.
Nah, no biggie Brit Bird. Everthing is zein, and zein is Arabic for good and like the Bush song "Everything is Zein", I don't believe Elvis is dead...
If these fools who are responsible for harassing vets keep on their broad road to distruction they will find themselves reaping the whirlwind. Nobody gonna fight their wars no mo so they gonna have to do it themselves. Draft won't work...nobody gonna register if there ain't no jobs to lose. I think most people wise to the situation. Personally, I would send my young'uns off to Canada with a fist full o dollars or hide em somehow. It looks mo and mo like America don't deserve an Army. Every successful Empire or Commander of the past (Rome, Greece, Napoleon's France, Sun Tzu) has lavishly rewarded its soldiers. I can't help but draw parallels between Czarist Russia of 1917 and our Army today. I would not be surprised if an American "Potempkin" occured. There are some who might think that the this notion is outrageous but what is more outrageous has and is happening today! Ma and pa having send body armor to junior not to mention hmg mounts? Soldier having to buy their own gear? The outrage at the VA hospital recently on the news. Denial of the "gulf war syndrome" aka radiation poisoning from DU rounds. It looks to me, mo an mo ever day like a group o despicable asses up in high places on borrowed time. And finally, to beat it all, you hear a bunch o lying mouths hollerin for the patriot act an homeland security while d "Army of Juan" (not One) come dillybopping on across d border to cut the American workin man's throat including Gulf war vets, undermining our social security and healthcare so now you know what kind of Quisling sons of whores you got at the helm o dis country and they can all go to hell! And finally...what the hell is so patriotic about the patriot act anyway? Shouldn't it be called what it really is-the Quisling Act? Sorry Dan...I had a sorta "confrontation" with the Army of Juan today that mighta jeopardised m job a little so I gotta "express m'self" an get it off m chest instead o...jumpin on one or two o theirs...an keepin m "freedom". There's that word...Freedom. Son of a Bush uses it alot on tv in his Bushit talk. Bushit and Words of Mass Deception. The "W" in his name gotta stand for "Weasel". I wanna hear words like "Liberty" and "Independence" for a change...don't you? Seems when I go off, I go off on anybody an everybody and I don't just go ballistic...I go nuclear....WHOOAH!
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