Strangeylvania County

Cell Phone Bandito
Last Tuesday (26th of June) was my birthday. I hit 39 if your wondering. It was not a good one for several reasons that there is no need to get into. The darndest thing was my cell phone was stolen. My washing machine leaks, so, I went to the laundry mat. I either left the phone in my truck while I stepped inside or placed it on the change machine and got all absent minded. I pretty sure it was in my truck. A Mexican boy was in the parking lot in a red Ford Explorer. I went up the road to a store and went back. I looked for my phone...it's not in the truck, Mexican boy is gone. So I wound up standing in the lobby of the Sheriffs Department for going on two hours waiting for someone to "investigate". There was someone to do it, but he was busy investigating something already. The Dispatcher got to feeling bad for me and talked a Detective off of a case to basically fill out my report. Then I filed my claim with the phone insurance people, system error, had to do it twice.
The Reguvinator calls my number and a Mexican boy answered. He says he found it and is trying to return it, he's in Cashiers. The Reguvinator told him to call him and he would get it at 6 that night. Never called. So, I got my new phone, program it and listen to my messages. Two for Carlos in Spanish. So, last night while hanging at House Of Jello, Mystery Girl, who speaks extremely fluent Spanish, listened to the messages. It's Carlo s's wife and she needs him to come home, then, she said it was almost 10 and she was not going to let him go out no more. My cell phone was stolen by a hen pecked Mexican. I hope she leaves him. Maybe he "spent the night on the hard old floor with nothing to cover up with".

The Story Of The Naked Girl
Jellouise looked out the kitchen window and seen a young girl, early twenties, walking around naked in broad daylight. Then, a few minutes later she was riding a bycycle across their yard wearing only a T shirt. It was The Reguvinators bike, he goes and gets it from her, she makes a week effort to hold onto it, and he said he was calling the Police. She says, "yes, call the police...Help me". He took the bike back to the garage only to see his bike sitting there...Oops. Naked girl crossed the street and knocked on a mans door. He answers and she said "can you help me?". He asked how and she took off her shirt...I thought that only happened in skin flicks...Someone called the Police. Turns out the girl was doing acid and was...Well, tripping. I think the cops decided to take her to the hospital, which was the safest place for her. Now, the girl and her fellar are being evicted. Might as well, the whole neighborhood got to see her without her clothes. There was something about a big dog running lose in City limits too.

It's funny, I was gone for fourteen months, and in some ways it was like I never left. But, I was gone none the less. For two weeks, I didn't think of Iraq, and now...Now it's like, "yeah, I was in Iraq for a year". I've joined the VFW and The American Legion. Oh, that reminds me of a dog story...And you want to know about my Plott. I've got stuff to say, but, I'm going to post this and start drafting the other.

I'ma Drafting It Boss
The Appalachianist